Interview - Vermont Foster Care

An Earlier Heaven

Written by Mary L. Collins (for DCF)

There is a quote by George Bernard Shaw that goes, "A happy family is but an earlier heaven."
 
Ask Jonathan and Thomas West about their "earlier heaven," and they will fill you not with stories of "before" children but about life since adopting their three daughters and one son, Grace, Charlotte, Eleanor, and Henry. Admittedly, it's been quite a journey. As parents of four children under the age of eight, all who were adopted through foster care, the Wests are understandably busy and devoted to their children.
 
In June, their book, "A Kid's Book About Gay Parents," will be published. It's part of the "A Kid's Book About" series of books essential to a child's understanding of many topics. As former owners of the Northshire Bookstore in Manchester, the Wests understood the need for a book that chronicled the joys and challenges of fostering to adopting as gay parents. "We've been together since 2005, married in 2012, but it wasn't until we attended a friend's wedding a few years later that we realized we truly wanted to start our own family." 
 
The West children came to the couple through foster care. Charlotte and Grace, who are just six weeks apart, arrived at birth. "Our story began with a failed private adoption when we lived in Texas," which, Jonathan admits, "was not LGBTQ friendly and was not handled well by legal counsel." He acknowledged that the trauma of losing that child and that experience was complicated to reconcile. The couple then moved to Baltimore, Maryland, where they were introduced to foster care by a friend. Here is where they began their adoption journey - first with Grace, then baby Charlotte, Eleanor, and most recently, Henry. "We went through the classes, and within a month, we started getting phone calls." Jonathan shares that they turned down over 30 foster care placements because they felt vulnerable and unsure as first-time foster parents or whether the children would be able to stay with them."
 
Grace came home to them when she was just four days old. Six weeks into Grace's arrival, the Wests received another call. This was their introduction to Charlotte, another newborn. Barely four hours old when they arrived at the hospital to receive her, Charlotte and Grace were raised as "twins."  
 
The family had moved a few times due to work, and while the children were still babies, Jonathan felt a calling to return to his home state of Vermont after a year of traveling. The Wests then learned that Vermont had one of the highest per capita incidences of opioid abuse, the other states being West Virginia, Kentucky, Indiana, and Montana. From that, more children were entering foster care. The Wests jumped into action.
 
"It's kind of majestic how everything came together," Thomas explained. "We were already approved for foster care in Vermont. We owned a house here. And within a week of returning to Vermont, we asked to take in another infant. That's how Elly came to us. "On the same day that he and Thomas received the call about this newborn baby girl, he received a Facebook friend request from the woman who had been their social worker in Baltimore. Jonathan took that as a sign, further cemented by the fact that the baby had been given a name in the hospital that happened to be the same as his cousin. To Jonathan and Thomas, she was meant to be theirs. "We didn't give DCF a chance to find another foster care home for her. We told them, "She's coming home with us." Elly is now three years old.
 
"I still remember the judge in Bennington County reading through our daughter's case. At one point, the judge stopped, needing to acknowledge her emotions to explain the traumatic world of addiction in which our youngest daughter was born." The father of four says, "You would never know of her traumatic beginning. Our daughter is healthy, happy, resilient, cute, loving, and simply amazing." West further explained, "But these are the things we remember about our story, and we still believe that foster care is an amazing opportunity for people, especially in the LGBT community, to build their families."
 
In June of 2021, the couple received another call from the adoption counselors in Atlanta about another newborn. So, the family traveled to Atlanta, worked with the birth mother through all kinds of difficulties, and finally brought Henry home. Henry will turn two in September.
 
These experiences underscore the West family's understanding of how children come into our lives - not always through birth but sometimes through foster care that can lead to adoption. He says, "We were all in at the beginning believing love can solve anything. We've come to know that it's much more complex and messy. We are trying our best to give each of our children what they need to thrive." 
 
Given that the theme of National Foster Care Month is mental health care, the West family recognizes that attending to the individual needs of each child supports the mental health of the entire family. 
 
"Specifically here in the State of Vermont, building a proper network around your child is incredibly important," West says. "Especially with one of our daughters, who is struggling somewhat. She has the support of a great team at her school, with her primary care physicians, and among the many development experts working to keep her ticking."
 
He explains, "While some parents are taking their kids to soccer games or ballet classes, our goal is to make sure our kids have everything they need to get through the day. Because of the support through things like Medicaid, we can afford the care they need and deserve. All of our children have been evaluated fully by every available program throughout the state: WIC, early intervention, Medicaid, Easter Seals, and others."
 
He describes the relationship he and his husband have with the case worker, who often acts as a sounding board providing the two parents with the support they need and assuring them that they are doing the right and best things for their children. "We work with the family resource team at UVM, one of whom he says "is an immeasurable asset to our state" providing training for foster care families. The couple just completed their second course on trauma-informed parenting, of which West says, "Understanding that aspect of how even a child who may not have been in a household where they were harmed, there is a trauma that comes with them in utero."
 
In Vermont, West underscores there is one person to contact for specific needs and issues. "We are not a number here. We know who to reach out to and have personal relationships with that person on behalf of our children. We are very upfront with our schools, who are fantastic advocates and who are prepared to assist as needed." He said, "We expected to get the typical response, "Oh, they're just foster kids" but we've never had that experience. Our kids are getting everything they deserve. We've always felt supported, and in Vermont, we've always felt much more trusted than in other states. DCF has always been there for us."
 
 Summing up his own family's evolution, the children's needs, and the struggles of becoming a permanent family, the father of four sums it up this way, "The bottom line is that, as a foster parent, there is so much support. Even though the hope for most children is for reunification, there are always children who will need a forever home. Those children will receive many amazing services that make it much more possible for a family - at any financial or other level to provide for that child. Between free child care, Medicaid, WIC, and all of the other resources available, I know our children are taken care of - and that isn't even talking about the stipend to help care for them." 
 
"We have always believed that even if we have to say goodbye to a foster child, we hold on to the idea that if we can change that child's life for even a day, that is the most important thing we could ever do for them."
 
"We believe that as a family, acceptance through visibility, showing ourselves as a transracial, LGBT family, makes it more acceptable for other families, particularly ones that look like us, who never thought they could raise a family to do so."
 
LEARN MORE ABOUT THE WEST FAMILY, THEIR FORTHCOMING BOOK, AND THEIR WORK ON BEHALF OF FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE FAMILIES AT: https://daddyandpapa.com/